Some crimes are the kind that sneak up on you and take you by surprise…you travel through life mistakenly believing that, especially when dealing with creditors, that these entities are bound by the same set of rules as you are. What a blow, when you finally discover that this is a serious misnomer.
Buying a home is, to some, the biggest financial decisions we will ever make. When you discover that a crime has stripped you of your home and that the criminals will not be brought to justice, it creates a depression that I can only liken to death…death of your soul.
Once you discover that a crime has been committed you go through a grieving process…much like experiencing a death. At first you are angry, shocked, nauseated and even guilty; wondering what in the world happened that would have caused such a thing to happen to you. You are angry when you realize that you have been taken advantage of. You are shocked when you realize that the whole world doesn’t feel the same as you do about the crime that you have discovered. You start to feel guilty because you look for what it was that you did. The next thing you know, your body is feeling the crush of the reality of what is happening to your life.
You find yourself crying uncontrollably at times, for what you term as “for no reason at all”. You start realizing that you have no control and you feel hopeless…this hopelessness leads to depression. You don’t want to deal with the realities of this world and you climb into a hole, wishing that the earth would just swallow you up.
These are just some of the feelings that people who have lost their homes feel. It is compounded when they fight for justice, only to realize that there is no real justice for those who can’t afford it. You lose your zest for life and your trust in your fellow man. You realize that no matter what you do, it doesn’t matter…and it makes you want to quit trying.
These are very real feeling and they have devastating effects on your mind, body and soul. Some react by shutting themselves off from their loved ones and the world. Some react with violence, against themselves and others. Some don’t react at all.
If you sit down and think about it, this is exactly what the criminals (in this case, the banks) want you to feel. They want you to feel beat up and not in control; to the point that you don’t want to fight anymore. I have felt this way many times over the past seven years and it is a very real response that takes over your life.
When you see friendships crumble, because people think that you are not fighting a crime, but actually just wanting a “free house”, you are affected. How do you deal with this? I walked away and never thought that I would never look back…but you do look back, and this hurts, knowing that the people you trusted to support you, have the same mentality of the very criminals that have taken it upon themselves to devastate your life. Was this the way I should have reacted…I don’t know.
But what I do know is that if I walk away from fighting this crime nothing will ever change. I may have to lose friends, and in reality maybe they weren’t really good friends after all…but I have to look at the bigger picture. I look at my grandchildren and I know that no matter what I must continue to fight; if not for myself then for them…no matter what the cost. If I give up, I am not only giving up on myself, I am giving up on their future as well. If I give up, I am giving up my right as a citizen of this country to demand that criminals be held accountable for their crimes. If I give up…I give up on truth.
So I may continue to cry, for no reason (in my own mind)…I will have my low days and I have to accept that as part of the process of grieving; but I also need to push forward…standing my ground, because that is how we survive. For those of you who have felt this way you must remember that tomorrow is another day. Not all days will be this way, and sooner or later we will get through this; but not by quitting. These are the effects of crime…and we cannot allow the criminal to win.
Stand with your head held high. Don’t let others opinions lead you in life and if you have been wronged…fight. Fight through the tears; fight through the depression…and know that you do not stand alone in this…it is a mantra I try to tell myself everyday; and sometimes it is very hard to believe. We can make a difference…you can make a difference…and you are allowed to grieve.