Not too long ago, a good friend said to me, “A person will seek the verification of the reality they want to believe in.” It has taken me some time to understand exactly what that means, at least for me, personally. Being an idealist, that still has a firm hold on reality; I know that I have times where I wanted to be recognized by others according to how I view my life. People don’t see us as we see ourselves, and for many of us, this is a hard pill to swallow. I recognize that there are times that I am biased in my views, and should step back and remember that everyone has a right to an opinion, but because it doesn’t fit my viewpoint is irrelevant.
I know that for me personally, at some point in this wretched aging process, we start dissecting our lives, remorseful for moves not made; beating ourselves up over bad decisions, bridges burned, and mistakes of the past. At some point, some of us get to the point where we transition from self-evaluation to a realization that what happened in the past is just that, in the past. At some point we learn to live in the now, realizing that we only have now, and stop letting all the garbage of the past get in the way. We are not guaranteed any more tomorrows and each day is a gift; the past is the lesson that we apply in the now, so that if there is a tomorrow, we are still moving forward. However, as good as all that sounds, it’s not easy to turn ones thoughts around, especially when you are mired in that type of thinking for years.
We, who share the pain of being a victims of mortgage fraud, have a hard time with this one. Our lives have been thrust into a whirlwind; compounded by our lack of knowledge of an industry that has so much control over so many lives, and will continue to do so for many years to come. We are just now starting to understand the crimes that have befallen a large percentage of this nation. Yet, we are all still individuals, mired in our own personal nightmares. It’s hard for us to detach from the past, because the past is why we are where we are at and we don’t know how long we are going to be here. We have experienced almost every human emotion over these experiences; every emotion but joy. After sitting in that joyless state for years, I decided one day that this was not how my story was going to end. However, to figure out where I wanted my story to go and where my actions were taking it, were two different avenues, both leading in opposite directions. I was the one being bisected at the fork in the road. My own thoughts and actions were my own worst enemy. I came to a point where I had to make a definitive choice. However, in order to make that choice I had and have to be honest with myself, about myself. I have to realize when I’m doing things for others and when I’m doing things to appease my own self-worth. I am worthy and I don’t have to validate it. I have to be good with the world and their evaluations of me as a person in this world; I have to be good with the fact that I’m not the end all be all of opinions and I have to only validate myself with God and not seek it from this world.