This week began, taking on the character of one that was determined to be one filled with disappointments; be it a job being postponed, a ceiling teetering on the brink of collapse or the cancellation of a much-needed mini-vacation due to no transportation. Life just did not want to get on board with me this week. Those are the dangers of being self-employed and the woes of being caught up in the never-ending money draining venture of mortgage fraud. The stress of fighting, now another bank, has been working desperately at my consciousness, trying to lessen my faith and zap me of my strength; however, as hard as it may be, I will not allow this mental beat-down stray me from my focus.
Someone I love sent me a book last week, which it was my intent to read over my cancelled, two-day hiatus. The book is by Eckhart Tolle, entitled “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose”. Now, what you have to understand about me is that I love to read, however, my books of preference are usually technical in nature, with absolutely no story-telling. In other words, I am a nerd that reads “how to” books. For the past year and a half, I have whole-heartedly been striving to figure out the lesson in all that we have been through; I have been searching for my purpose. So, the title was definitely a hook to at least get me to open the book.
I opened to the first chapter and started to read. The writer immediately places you gently back to when the world was young and guides you through the evolution of the flower. It was like being on a quiet raft floating down a beautiful river, watching the journey from that first flower to what we experience today, through that evolution, a world filled with the fragrance and beauty from these truly remarkable creations. The purpose of this journey is to realize that human consciousness, like the flower, is evolving as well, however, most will not seek this type of awareness.
This is an awareness that I crave. I don’t believe that we were just put here to exist. I have always believed that there is a purpose in life; but I, like many, have failed in seeking out what exactly that purpose is; that is until this past year. With the blessing of winning over the bank, I was able to set myself back and start getting in touch with what this had created in me. I have honestly worked hard at trying to understand what God wants me to do with this experience. I take every day as it comes and try not to allow myself to get caught up in the insanity; yet, as an advocate for mortgage fraud victims, I realize that I am allowing myself into other’s pain and suffering. By virtue of my choice, there will be some unrest. How can there not be when you are witnessing someone else suffer as you did? I’m not sure where this path will lead but I do believe that I am finding my purpose.
I have a feeling that this gift of read is what I need to bring it all into focus. Reading one chapter has me hungry for more, so I will take some time this morning, while the sun is shining and the house is quiet, to take in more of this different type of “how to” book and learn how to accept my gift of purpose.