Feeling the Anger; Fighting the Pain

angerRecently, through social media, I was again reminded of the pain that this situation has caused to homeowners across this nation.  The sting has left many paralyzed with fear, anger and disbelief.  The rage over the victimization has reached a boiling point.  People, who are so desperately in need of someone to listen to them, show their frustration at the system and at the very people who are trying to help them.  Their pain has blinded them to the fact that they are not alone; and as hard as they try to connect, their own personal pain is at such a point, nobody else’s pain matters, because theirs is all encompassing.  I have been there and I struggle every day to ensure that I keep mindful that this is not a personal war, but a nationwide battle.

That’s a hard pill to swallow when it’s your home and your life being torn apart.  I have learned many lessons during this eight year journey; and one of them is that, even though you are emotionally torn apart by your situation, you are in the most emotionless battle of your life.  Not on your side; but definitely on the side of the law.  No one in the judicial setting cares, outside possibly your attorney, if you have one.  The court of law is one of the most sobering and dispassionate places you can ever find yourself.  It doesn’t matter that you cry yourself to sleep every night; it doesn’t matter that you have been emotionally stripped to the bone or that you ended up divorce due to the stress.  What matters is that you present your case with absolute precision.  What matters is that you leave your emotion at home and wrap your mind around the stone-cold, hard facts.

I, personally, am an extremely emotional person.  I can barely make it through certain television programs without, at least, a half box of tissues.  Therefore, this was an extremely hard lesson for me to grasp.  This process was crushing my soul and all my attorney could say was that I needed to quit crying over spilt milk.   AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  How are you going to say that to a person who has had their life flipped upside down through no fault of their own?  How can you negate the emotional distress that these crimes caused in our lives?  But, alas, in the courtroom, emotion has no bearing; and in that respect, my attorney was right.  Crying over spilt milk in a courtroom is about as effective as throwing a towel in a bathtub of water and expecting that lone towel to soak up the wetness; it ain’t gonna happen.

In our case, the issue at point right now is that this particular bank is not the bank that committed the initial crime; however, instead of pointing the bank toward the offenders, the court is looking squarely at us to pay for the crimes of the other.  As infuriating as that is, here is my take on the situation.  After eight years, I have a fairly, firm grasp on my emotions; and now I am at a stage where I only feel determined.  I am not angry anymore, because I realize, for one, that I am not alone in this war.  For many years I had only my own thoughts to deal with this craziness.  Thanks to social media, I discovered that I was far from being alone.  The journey may have had its differences, but the overall journey was the same.  We are all fighting crimes against us and our property.  The laws that exist are being unrealistically twisted by lawyers that have unlimited amounts of funding to pursue their misrepresentations with vigor and vim.

It is not an easy task to bring your emotions under control; but you are the only one that can.  You are the only one with the power to reign in that which will not serve you well.  You are the only one that can bring you the peace of mind you are searching for, while you continue this seemingly, unending battle.

If you don’t find a way to keep your emotions in check, you will never find the peace you seek.  Many of you have heard the phrase “mind over matter;” that is exactly what this is.   You need to focus on what you are doing right; why you are doing what you are doing and realize that you can live with the decisions you have made; because you made these decisions to fight because it is the right thing to do.   You decided to fight, not just for yourself, but for the generations that will come after you.  If you do not stand your ground now, against the crimes that have been committed against you, they will become common place; and by the time your children are old enough to own their own home, there won’t be any homes that will be available for them to own.  The banks will possess all property and will have gained it illegally.

It is not easy getting a grasp on anger, but remember that anger serves no purpose, especially to you.  Those that experience your anger will negate your rationality and use it squarely against you.  Your credibility will be shot.  Controlled anger can be used skillfully, whereas, screaming tirades will surely gain you no audience.  Lose the anger, and if you can’t seem to get rid of it; use it to your advantage, not your demise.

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3 Responses to Feeling the Anger; Fighting the Pain

  1. Hinda says:

    Yes. Courts are protecting the banks how are the criminals. Victims are be punch.

  2. cm2s1 says:

    Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story. I can completely relate to this and the waterworks are starting…it’s comforting to know we’re not alone because the shame & humiliation has really done some damage to our entire family. Thank God we’re all still here, together, under this roof. It’s helped me re-prioritize and focus on my blessings and not my problems. It’s also led me to start asking God/the Universe, “How does it get any better than this?” and leaving myself open to receive the abundance that is offered.

  3. JohnR says:

    I’m a 6 year veteran at this foreclosure round… but lost 9 houses back in the 90’s to Bank fraud too. So this time is actually my second go round. The first time was horrible to say the least and left me walking with a pain in the pit of my stomach that even now, 21 years later, still exists. This last go around has both helped and hurt.

    That old pain is lessened now because I have taken the time and spent the energy educating and represesting myself in this “how to fight” arena which in turn, let me be more “properly” giving of my acquired new knowledge to others now in the fight.

    I found out long ago that to help someone else is also to help yourself and the validity of the old saying “you teach best what you need most to learn”.

    That helping to others has helped me to get through my previous pain… although I can never imagine a time it will all be gone and this time, this time it’s different.

    This time I realize that life surely does go on, that what the writer wrote is exactly right… emotions have a very small role in the Court’s, and that emotions must be turned around to work in your own benefit and not in theirs.

    So now, this is my job. This is what I do, everyday. At the end of the day I find something else to do and whenever I can afford it I make sure I’m good to myself. I go out, I meet new people, I exercise (although not as much as I should), I try to eat sensibly and for the most part i stay away from intoxicants. Sometimes I take off for days, somtimes weeks off… actively avoiding foreclosure issues… my friends appreciate it.

    I’ve seen times when no matter what anyone else ever said in a conversation… all I could think about was foreclosure. I’ve been high on new Court decisions (like Ibanez/LaRace) and so low I stayed in bed for over a week at a time. That’s me, that’s just how it’s affected me.

    What I’m trying to relate here is that all of the emotionally charged times and the emotionally created deep valleys of depression don’t mean a thing in Court. And many times the truth doesn’t either. But even when we unjustly lose, does that mean the doors are closed permamently? Or does that really mean we haven’t yet come to the end of this project.

    I say it’s not over until I say it’s over. That’s why I spend my time reading boring old law stuff and constantly searching for yet another way to fight.

    We’re all involved in a snowball, rolling down a hill, gaining size, gaining strength and gaining velocity. I know that even if I end up losing, which is still in the air as I write this, I know I’ve helped set an example that every American can follow and that eventually, if enough do, the criminals who involved us all will ultimately pay. And I sleep good at night.

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